Friday, May 6, 2011

Pray me through

There has been this situation/area in my life that I have struggled with for several years now.  I am not going to go into too much detail here because I don't want to cause anyone to stumble and I don't want to hurt anyone.  Few of you would know about it but if you don't, I am open to talking about more offline if you geniunely want to know and pray for me. 

It's one of those situations that in the scheme of things really shouldn't matter but for some reason, it always rears it's head and hurts me to the core.  It will be okay for awhile and I think I can deal, but once in awhile it peaks and I just feel so hurt over it. God always reminds me during this time that I place too much of my faith in people and in things instead of looking to Him to fulfill me.  I struggle with this so much.  I know that He is with me and is doing big things in my life, but sometimes I just need the quality time and love from people.  I feel bad even saying that...is that selfish?  Shouldn't He be all that I need?  I can't help but think about if I was truly alone in this world - no friends...no family...would I then fully rely on Him?  I am reminded to be thankful for what I have and to go to Him for comfort. 

The last month or so it has really been bothering me.  I know most of it is Satan just trying to drag me down.  Even facebook has been a root to some of the problem.  So much that I have thought seriously about deleting my account.  I mean if you look at some of the benefits and losses of facebook, there's hardly a competition between the two.  Some benefits might be you gain access to new and old friends; possibly gain information that you may not have otherwise (items for sell, inspiring quotes, events going on).  But when you look at the losses...loss of time (it's addicting, you know?), loss of friends, unwanted/hurtful comments, temptation, lack of comments (maybe as opposed to others), competition, etc.  I really don't even tell anyone happy birthday anymore (just family) as I am afraid I will forget to do it for someone else and make them feel bad...maybe I am just sensitive.  I guess the reason I bring facebook into it, as that lately it has been the cause of some of my hurt feelings over this area/situation in my life.  See how Satan uses these things??

Last night I was truly broken over the situation.  I went in the office to cry as I didn't want my husband to see! :)  I reached for my bible to find some truth but I keep it in the living room right next to the chair he was sitting in.  So I looked in my "library" of books in the office knowing I had bibles in there somewhere.  My eyes were immediately drawn to my first "real" bible.  It was the bible I was given when I graduated 5th grade.  It was given to me by my old church where I grew up and has my name engraved on it.  The binding is broken and pages are falling out.  I flipped to the back of the bible in hopes to find some verses on peace.  I begged God to show my why this situation hurts so much.  Why do I get so brought down by it?  I was actually getting angry that it has gone on so long and that I have tried so hard to understand it.  I begged God to show what He was doing in this situation.  I know He is up to something in it, but why is it taking so long for me to undertand it??!!  Maybe it's not for me to understand...maybe it's working on someone else...maybe I'll never know in this life.  I don't know...all I know is that I am frustrated.  So I looked under peace and saw a reference to Isaiah.  As I started flipping to Isaiah, a post it note fell out and had these two references on it Jer 29:11 and Jer 33:3.  Not sure what I was going through at the time I wrote these down, but felt these were written for exactly what I was going through now (even though I know these were written down a long time ago). 

Jeremiah 29:11 says "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

Jeremiah 33:3 "Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know".

By this time, I'm sobbing and it can no longer be hidden from my husband (oh, darn! :).  I am so thankful that God reminds me to seek Him out for truth.  What a blessing it was to read those words and know that they are true and for me.  He does have a plan in the situation...and He will not harm me in the process....only prosper me and give me hope and a future.  It is so good to know that I can call out to Him and He will give me the answer I need...even to these unsearchable items that I just can't seem to put my finger on.  I can't do it without Him. 

I wrote this to be an encouragement to you!  I hope you can find some out of this somewhat depressing post.  I beg for more prayer surrounding this area in my life.  I love the new song by Sixteen Cities "Pray you Through". 

The walls are closing in


You feel alone, you feel afraid

Your heart begins to bend

You take a breath and then

It starts to break



Chorus:

I'm all out of words

There's nothing I could say to you

To take away the hurt

So let me pray you through

Let me pray you through



So lift your shaking hands

Don't say a word

I'll stay with you

The tears will heal the pain

You shouldn't be ashamed

To come undone



Chorus:

I'm all out of words

There's nothing I could say to you

[ From : http://www.elyrics.net/read/s/sixteen-cities-lyrics/pray-you-through-lyrics-18.html ]

To take away the hurt

So let me pray you through

Let me pray you through



Fall down

And let me carry you

I'll carry you



Chorus:

I'm all out of words

There's nothing I could say to you

To take away the hurt

So let me pray you through



Chorus:

I'm all out of words

There's nothing I could say to you

To take away the hurt

So let me pray you through

Let me pray you through

Let me pray you through

Let me pray you through

Let me pray you through

1 comment:

JeffandKatie said...

Hey LB! Best wishes while you're in Costa Rica! When you return, would love to hang with you and Kelly and would LOVE to hear your stories, see pictures and just hang!

Have fun, be careful and have fun. :o)

Katie