I've often read or heard that when you see or hear things repeatedly for an uncomfortable length of time, that it means that God is wanting you to move in this area. I feel for the past year, God has been telling me to do something with the talents/skills that he has graciously given me. So for the past year, I have been trying to sort out what that all means. What skills did God exactly give me and how does he want me to use them? It is amazing to see how God strategically places you...in situations...in jobs...with certain people in your life...all to be used to reveal something to you...to learn...to share...to glorify Him. My passion for as long as I can remember has been communciation...I love to write, public speak, even sing...not that I am any good at any of them (especially the latter), but I feel God leading me in the direction of all these things. About 10 months ago, I gave my testimony at the MOMS group (Moms Offering Moms Support) at our church. As a result, I spoke again in November and will be speaking again on March 6th at the "Beauty from the Inside Out" conference. I am thrilled to have this opportunity. It is very humbling to think that God is choosing me to speak and glorify Him based on experiences He has given me in my own life...some pretty tough ones I might add.
So where I am going with this is....THE BLOG. It's all fine and dandy that I have been posting updates and pictures of the kids the past couple of years (which I will continue doing), but I also feel this is an avenue where I can minister to others...especially all you amazing women in my life which is where my passion lies - encouraging women with hope...with hope that when you see and hear some of the things I have done in my life - some really dumb things along with some surprisingly decent things (there might be a few of these in there)...that maybe you can learn from my mistakes or at least laugh at me. Let's face it...women struggle with lots of the same things and we can really learn alot from each other. So, I'm committed to sharing my struggles in hopes that it brings God glory through what He teaches me each day.
It's amazing to me how I can struggle with something, pray over it, then open my bible or devotion and read on the same very topic! That is how God speaks! For example, I continue to struggle with patience and gentleness with my children. It is so hard when they are so young...you can't reason with them...you say "no" 50 times a day until you cave or lose it. I pray every day for this - patience, strength, gentleness, kindness. But sometimes I just lose it...and I think..."how did I get to that point?". I am sad to see myself act this way and I certainly don't want my children to model me in that behavior. I need God's help to change me. Nothing else has worked!! So I prayed over it this morning thinking it was impossible for me to change this behavior that has been engraved in me since I was just a child myself. Then I opened my devotion to read this "Nothing is impossible for God" along with this verse "that you will be strengthened with his glorious power so that you will have all the patience and endurance you need" ~Col 1:11. I thank God for his reassurance!
So what next? I am not sure if I will change the name of my blog to encompass my family and this new adventure, but I am up for suggestions. Please leave me comments - good, bad, or ugly. I also don't know how often I will write. But I do know that as I wake up each day, I put my hands out and say "Lord, please lead me today...wherever you want me to go, I'll follow you". I know that for some of you reading this, it might be confusing to you...I haven't always lived my life like this. In fact, I have lived a double life at times...doing half the time what the world wants me to do (more like 3/4 of the time) and the other part of the time, showing up at church and church activities. But, I am putting it out there in hopes that you will hold me accountable but not judge me. I am a sinner...I sin every day...as hard as I try not to, it just happens...I really don't want it to be an excuse, but it's in my make-up. Each day gets easier as I walk with the Lord and He reveals himself through an intimate, personal relationship with Him...not just a public one by going to church. I have discovered that God wants a personal relationship with each one of us just as his Son did. It's not just for those who are called into ministry...it's not just for "some" of us moms who manage to get out of bed early enough to do their quiet time before the real day starts...it's for all of us. God will never ask something of one person that is not also asked and ultimatley best for everyone. Having the personal relationship with Him spreads to your soul and you start to act more like Him. What a role model He is!! It is really freeing to me to know that "Jesus is the essence of spirtitual, mental and emotional health" (Beth Moore)...more of Him means I am healthier and happier in all those ways and more like Him...it's that easy...Jesus is my "drug" of choice! That's not to say that life won't be hard with Jesus in it...but it certainly will be easier with Him than without Him. I'll leave you with one final thought and quote. It's by Beth Moore from her Bible study "Esther - It's tough being a woman". She says "None of our purposes will be fulfilled easily. All of them will require the most difficult decisions we think we can make. Decisions that we may feel will practically kill us (aka Lindsay deciding to put this on the blog:)). She goes onto say "At some of the hardest times in my life, I have been able to make the more difficult choice out of pure blind-eyed, bent-kneed acceptance that it was somehow part of a great plan. I was beaten by a conviction that throbbed relentlessly against my strong self-centeredness. As much as my flesh wanted relief, I know that when all was said and done, I'd sit on that side of glory having much rather fulfilled my calling than served myself all the way to meaningless. I had to accept that I was not called to an easy life...I was called to a purposeful life".
And now I sit and sweat as I get ready to push the "publish post" button (aka purposeful life) or the "cancel" button (meaningless life). Which will you choose?
***not responsible for typos or other grammatical errors, laughter, tears, or any other emotions brought on by this post or posts there after. You may choose to not read this blog if you have any of the following conditions: pride, sin, a weak stomach, pregnancy, unteachable spirit, watery eyes, or a convicted heart.